“There’s a future version of me who’s proud I was strong enough.”
She is acting bad to protect her heart from being hurt again.
“It was for the first time when you bothered me with your ignorance and lies about “us” and I didn’t give you a message. You really didn’t actually want me back and now I can see that crystal clear. I don’t even hate you anymore. I feel pitty. You lost someone who actually ate all your shits, all your lies, and accept it because that’s what you do to people. You lie and pretend and always will. I’m not saying you are a bad person. I am saying that you can’t control your fucking lies. You say you’re amazing and the boss and you do everything perfectly but in your heart you do not believe it. Because you just talk, but you don’t do shit. And that’s ok. I am not judging. I was there for you some time, and I knew that if we stay long enough together you would see you do not have to pretend with me.
You say love is free and you are letting me go free while loving me. That’s bullshit and you knew it from the moment your words escaped your mouth.
I feel sorry for myself too because I fought AGAIN for someone who didn’t deserve my love. It’s pathetic for YOU. You let go of something amazing and if you will not regret it, it just means I was nothing to you. And that isn’t a great surprise.
The sad part is that I always thought you will be there, at least as a friend. But you weren’t. I was so tired last night from all the work and pressure I had on myself, and I just wanted to talk to someone familiar, someone who would care about me. But you didn’t give me a single sign. You are pathetic making people believe you love or care about them. I feel sorry for you of how you changed (or actually maybe you were like this all this time). You didn’t care for me. You just pretended it. Go fuck yourself for waisting my time and heart on you. I could have done so much more in this time.
Have a nice whatever and hopefully you won’t be the biggest *ick and coward with the next girl you will pretend to have something for her.”
I love you I love you I love you
I’m slowly loving myself more
I was awake when the earthquake started and even though it wasn’t major, my familly panicked. It is funny because I was so calm and a part of me was yelling “wtf is wrong with you, everything shakes around you it can go worse than this and you’re standing chill trying to calm down your familly”.
Did I ever tell you that you have the most beautiful eyes in the entire univers? Did I ever tell you how much I love you? Did I ever tell you that I adore all your insecurities? One by one, I would put them in a bowl, I would mix them, I would put the mix in the oven and in the end I would have my favourite cupcake. I would give up all the potatoes in the would, I would give up the smell of the cinnamon, I would give up the morning coffee, just so me and you will be happy together, just so I can wake up next to you until the time stops. And you know how much I love potatoes, cinnamon and my morning coffee. Or do you?
The words complicate things
But all I know
Is that he smells like heaven
And he feels like home.
People see kind and they start fucking with you. They start thinking you are weak. They start doing things they wouldn’t do it before. Maybe I should start being rude again, then I will get some respect, if not love.