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How to stay alive

I will tell you a little secret. I wanted to commit suicide a lot of times, and one time I stopped because I wanted to drink my favourite coffee for the last time. So I went to the place where it served it. But then I remember I love pasta, so I ordered that too. To be the last one. Then I wanted to smoke a cigarette (how can I kill myself without smoking my favourite cigarette?). So I went to the shop where I knew they sell my favourite kinds. They are expensive, but seeing the circumstances, they were worth it. While I smoked, the storm started and I could hear the thunder. I am in love with summer storms, so I delayed my suicide. While I was sitting there smoking my favourite cigarette while raining, it hit me. I want to do so much more. To taste more. Maybe my life is a mess and I am a complete depressed motherfucker, but there were some things that made me a little better. I could not gave up life because it is so beautiful. The people in my life may not be the best, but at least I got storms, cigarettes and my favourite frappe. And for now, these are enough reasons to stay alive for a little longer. So don’t think I gave up because I am so happy, and I forgave everyone and I think pink is the coolest colour. No. I decided to stay alive because I want to feel more, to see more, to know what the fuck life can bring to the table. And while I stayed for small reasons, I started to put my everything in perspective. Yes, maybe a guy hurted me very badly, but my cat just fell asleep on my hand. Maybe I don’t trust anyone anymore and that sucks, but I just made someone laugh in a supermarket with my sarcasm. Maybe I am not perfect, but at least I love how I look. Even if it’s not the best for some people. Once I started to love life more than people, once I started to love myself more than anything, I began to be good at life. I could not get angry anymore. I could not hate anymore. Because I could not care less about what people say or do. When you want to commit suicide and then decide to wait a little longer, staying alive is more important than ANYTHING bad in this world. So yes, it’s true when they say “be proud even though you just got out of bed”.

“The chance I never take, could be the change I never make.” -William Chapman

 

be prepared to make all the mistakes necessary to give yourself the experience it takes to get to where/who you want to be.
—Jova Ferreyra

 

“I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself.” ―Franz Kafka

“Before you can kill the monster you have to say its name.” 
—Terry Pratchett 

Secrets

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, It’s that there would be no gossip without secrets. You might be brave enough to reveal your secret, Only to have it used against you Or someone else’s secret might affect you in unexpected ways. There are some secrets you’re only too happy to keep. Others surface Only to be buried away deeper than they were before. But the most powerful secrets Are the truths you thought you could never reveal, That once spoken, change everything.