The worst thing about myself is that I make the worst mistakes just because I am hurt. I don’t do them for fun or whatever, but just because someone or something is hurting me baddly. And all that guilt makes the hurt and the emptiness I feel disappear for a while. And it’s the worst thing someone can do about themselves.

Usually, I would consider myself a bad person but now I know I do all these really stupid shit just because of my hurt, just because I am human. And sometimes all you can seem to do is lose control while discovering how to recover.

So if you’re like me and you kind of feel you lost yourself in mistakes, just remember sometimes it is all you can do and someone out there has done worse than you (it’s not the smartest thing to advice but you know).

Cheers to the human part of us, that sometimes sucks.

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Sometimes I wish I’d never met you and hope I’d never think of you ever again and sometimes I try to remember all the moments, to not forget a single thing about you, about us. I don’t want to forget how you had the most beautiful laugh and the most amasing mind. I don’t want to forget how much magnetism we had. How in 2 weeks we could look at eachother and know what the other was thinking. I don’t want to forget any of the many many jokes and laughs we had. You were too fucking incredible to let myself forget you. But sometimes I miss you so much, I want to pull out every memory of you from my mind and heart because it is too much pain to handle. 

I learnt in some months to not think of you non stop. I actually didn’t thought of you for days in a row. 

But everytime I hear a sad song, or I find something relating to you, or the moments I sit in silence with my thoughts (which I never allow myself to), I burst in tears for hours. 

I don’t know how much longer this will continue. Maybe forever because you really were important to me. 

I just wish I could move on like you did. I really wish that. I hope that I could not miss you like you do not miss me. I just want to let go of you how you did of me. 

The funny thing is that you always were rational and I always was sentimental. So I guess I lost because of this. 

It’s kinda pathetic I still write about you after all this time and after all the stuff you said to me making it clear that you don’t want me anymore. And I still tried. 

Sometimes I regret that I fought for you so hard. So hard. Maybe it would be different. Or the same. But at least, I wouldn’t have spend so much money to see you only for an half of hour. Or I wouldn’t have cried in front of you. Or making myself a fool in front of your friends. Or just putting my everything to you so you could just push it away. 

I’ve been heartbroken before. It’s not a premiere or something. You were just so different and so good for my heart and life.. I guess I wasn’t like that to you, even though you always told me I was incredible and yours and etc

Maybe I was not good enough for you.”

“You said you’d fight for me, but when it came right down to it..
You didn’t..
I think that hurts the most out of anything that’s happened, that you just let me go so easily, as if all the things you told me were just words in the air; meaningless with no weight to them.
You said you would but you didn’t?
Am I so forgettable and replaceable that you knew there was no point in even trying?
You really shattered my heart more than I thought was possible.
I love you, but I think I hate you too.”