How to stay alive

I will tell you a little secret. I wanted to commit suicide a lot of times, and one time I stopped because I wanted to drink my favourite coffee for the last time. So I went to the place where it served it. But then I remember I love pasta, so I ordered that too. To be the last one. Then I wanted to smoke a cigarette (how can I kill myself without smoking my favourite cigarette?). So I went to the shop where I knew they sell my favourite kinds. They are expensive, but seeing the circumstances, they were worth it. While I smoked, the storm started and I could hear the thunder. I am in love with summer storms, so I delayed my suicide. While I was sitting there smoking my favourite cigarette while raining, it hit me. I want to do so much more. To taste more. Maybe my life is a mess and I am a complete depressed motherfucker, but there were some things that made me a little better. I could not gave up life because it is so beautiful. The people in my life may not be the best, but at least I got storms, cigarettes and my favourite frappe. And for now, these are enough reasons to stay alive for a little longer. So don’t think I gave up because I am so happy, and I forgave everyone and I think pink is the coolest colour. No. I decided to stay alive because I want to feel more, to see more, to know what the fuck life can bring to the table. And while I stayed for small reasons, I started to put my everything in perspective. Yes, maybe a guy hurted me very badly, but my cat just fell asleep on my hand. Maybe I don’t trust anyone anymore and that sucks, but I just made someone laugh in a supermarket with my sarcasm. Maybe I am not perfect, but at least I love how I look. Even if it’s not the best for some people. Once I started to love life more than people, once I started to love myself more than anything, I began to be good at life. I could not get angry anymore. I could not hate anymore. Because I could not care less about what people say or do. When you want to commit suicide and then decide to wait a little longer, staying alive is more important than ANYTHING bad in this world. So yes, it’s true when they say “be proud even though you just got out of bed”.



If there’s one thing I’ve learned, It’s that there would be no gossip without secrets. You might be brave enough to reveal your secret, Only to have it used against you Or someone else’s secret might affect you in unexpected ways. There are some secrets you’re only too happy to keep. Others surface Only to be buried away deeper than they were before. But the most powerful secrets Are the truths you thought you could never reveal, That once spoken, change everything.


“it’s completely acceptable to stay alive for tiny reasons. because you want to hear your favorite song one more time. because your dog will miss you if you leave. because the moon is just too pretty to never see again. because you haven’t seen the next season of a really good TV show. because you want to see the christmas lights this year. if you’re alive, you’re doing enough. if you’re surviving, i’m proud of you”

Press Play.


A kid asked me: why?

He didn’t need to say more.

Because in his eyes were alcohol, Adherol, thoughts of suicide.

I looked at him and he was me, playing a different life.

So I answered him:

Life is the best video game that we’ll ever make.

I mean look around, you gotta admit the graphics are insane,

There are no controllers except for your brain,

When your character gets hurt you actually feel the pain,

Not a single level is ever the same.

And not only that, you get to have sex in this game.

You don’t ever have to play alone.

We’ve got eight billion people in a massive multiplayer 

Online, offline, in line at the grocery store.

And that’s just the people.

There are plants and animals, vegetables and minerals,

Numerous, precious, delicious.

Every game has rules,

But no matter what parents, pastors, politicians tell you

There is only one rule:

Make the game better for everyone.

Every game has obstacles, boss battles,

That’s what makes it a game worth playing,

So when something comes up inside, b-side, outside

It’s just a chance to level up.

The dragons make the heroes, the demons make the angels 

Pressure makes the diamond, iron sharpens iron

And this, right now, will make you.

So you can swallow a barrel or too many pills,

Hit the reset button.

But when you get back home, where there is no pain,

No struggle, no victory, no gain, you’re going to miss this game.

So you’ll come back again to play another turn

Inside a new character that will never quite be you.

Or maybe by the time you’re ready to play again,

This world won’t be accepting anymore plays.

Life on Earth, archived by the memory of time

Like Sega Genesis from 89.

Let me give you a cheat code to get you started:

Forgive yourself mercifully, love yourself ruthlessly,

Protect the Earth fiercely, Treat people identically,

Cultivate community, dance expressively,

Have gratitude daily, orgasm regularly,

Forget your history and live presently. 

And if things get a little boring

Take a few grams of mushrooms and howl at the fucking moon 


So go ahead and play.

Play pain, play work, play laugh so hard

The tears well up. Play fight so hard

The knuckles swell up.

Play artist painting your masterpiece, play hero living your odyssey

Or play absolutely nothing at all.

However you want to, just play.

This is a game you win over a lifetime, not a day.