“A inceput sa mi se intunece privirea de la munca, in timp ce stateam pe scaun fumand ultima tigara pe ziua aia cu doi colegi. Au inceput sa spuna ceva ce am auzit de paipe mii de ori, lucrul care a inceput sa ma bantuie in fiecare zi. Sunt recunoscatoare cu tot ce am si tot ce sunt, doar nu pot sa pricep cum oamenii se limiteaza la material, la corp, la forme, la zambete. Imi venea sa arunc cu tot in tot, imi venea sa urlu la taximetrist, pentru ca voiam o data in viata sa ma priveasca cineva cu adevarat. Da, sexul, flirtul, fuste mini, decolteu, toate sunt hot si uneori  necesare. Dar pot oferi informatie si mai ales sentimente. Pot sa fac o persoana sa se deschida, sa simta lucruri pe care nu le-a mai experimentat. Imi place exteriorul, dar ma hranesc cu esenta. In fine, am ajuns acasa, desi eu credeam ca o sa fie o seara buna, am intrat pe usa, am pus cea mai hardcore melodie pe care o am in playist si am inceput sa plang. Duritatea mi s-a strecurat printre degete. Am inceput sa plang, pentru ca sunt atat de fucking singura, nu am pe absolut nimeni. Plang, pentru ca prietena mea cea mai buna, care ar fi trebuit sa fie pe viata, nu mai e. Plang, pentru ca am primit mesaj dimineata de la fostul meu pe care l-am iubit enorm si credeam ca e cliseul “imi scrie cand e beat trebuie sa insemne ceva” ca apoi sa aflu ca nu conta. Plang, pentru ca simt ca vreau atatea si totusi dau numai piedici. Ar trebui sa fiu nebuna acum, sa merg la party-uri, sa cunosc atat de multa lume interesanta, sa ma sarut cu tipul ala, sa am o gasca frumoasa, sa fiu cum ar trebui si cum vreau sa fiu. Si TOTUSI, pana acum parca viata a facut special sa ma impiedic de o mie de ori si sa vada daca ma ridic a mia una oara. Si ma ridic. Pentru ca am o urma de speranta ca o sa vina si perioada mea lunga buna. Cred ca si de asta sunt in depresie contanta. Nu pot sa ma mint ca imi place sa stau in casa, sa nu am pe nimeni; am nevoie de viata, de nebunia mea, sa respir haos, sa am parte de iubire, sa imi fac viitorul asa cum vreau eu. Libertate si succes. Prieteni. Cine ar fi crezut ca e atat de greu sa ai lucruri pe care eu le credeam elementare si disponibile mereu.”

Letter to my ex

“It was for the first time when you bothered me with your ignorance and lies about “us” and I didn’t give you a message. You really didn’t actually want me back and now I can see that crystal clear. I don’t even hate you anymore. I feel pitty. You lost someone who actually ate all your shits all your lies, and accept it because That’s What you do. You lie and pretend and always will. I’m not saying you are a bad person. I am saying that you can’t control your fucking lies. You say you’re amazing and the boss and you do everything perfectly but in your heart you do not believe it. Because you just talk you but don’t do shit. And That’s ok. I am not judging. I loved you for some time, and I knew that if we stay long enough together you would see you do not have to pretend with me. 

You say love is free and you are letting me go free while loving me. That’s bullshit and you knew it from the moment your words escaped your mouth. 

I feel sorry for myself too because I fought AGAIN for someone who didn’t deserve my love. It’s pathetic for YOU. You let go of something amazing and if you will not regret it, it just means I was nothing to you. Only skin. And that isn’t a great surprise. 

I picked the wrong people to love. 

But now I start a new life, I changed again so much, I actually try to make a living. To make something happen. To push myself to do everything I was so scared of doing. I do that now. I am not perfect and I make mistakes, but at least I wake up in the morning and I move my ass and do it. I try. 

The sad part is that I always thought you will be there, at least as a friend. But you weren’t. I was so tired last night from all the work and pressure I had on myself, and I just wanted to talk to someone familiar, someone who would care about me. But you didn’t give me a single sign. You are pathetic making people believe you love them. I feel sorry for you of how you changed (or actually Maybe you were like this all this time). You didn’t love me. Ever. You just pretended it. Go Fuck yourself for waisting my time and heart on you. I could have done so much more in this time. 

Have a nice whatever and Hopefully you won’t be the biggest *ick and coward with the Next girl you will pretend to have something for her.”

“Tensiune, proteste, minciuni, frustrări, schimbări, revolte.. le simt pe strada împreuna cu romanii, le simt in lume împreuna cu toată populația, le simt in inima cu fiecare bătaie.” – 1 Februarie 2017, cum a fost sa particip la cel mai masiv protest din România după atâția ani