Sometimes I wish I’d never met you and hope I’d never think of you ever again and sometimes I try to remember all the moments, to not forget a single thing about you, about us. I don’t want to forget how you had the most beautiful laugh and the most amasing mind. I don’t want to forget how much magnetism we had. How in 2 weeks we could look at eachother and know what the other was thinking. I don’t want to forget any of the many many jokes and laughs we had. You were too fucking incredible to let myself forget you. But sometimes I miss you so much, I want to pull out every memory of you from my mind and heart because it is too much pain to handle.
I learnt in some months to not think of you non stop. I actually didn’t thought of you for days in a row.
But everytime I hear a sad song, or I find something relating to you, or the moments I sit in silence with my thoughts (which I never allow myself to), I burst in tears for hours.
I don’t know how much longer this will continue. Maybe forever because you really were important to me.
I just wish I could move on like you did. I really wish that. I hope that I could not miss you like you do not miss me. I just want to let go of you how you did of me.
The funny thing is that you always were rational and I always was sentimental. So I guess I lost because of this.
It’s kinda pathetic I still write about you after all this time and after all the stuff you said to me making it clear that you don’t want me anymore. And I still tried.
Sometimes I regret that I fought for you so hard. So hard. Maybe it would be different. Or the same. But at least, I wouldn’t have spend so much money to see you only for an half of hour. Or I wouldn’t have cried in front of you. Or making myself a fool in front of your friends. Or just putting my everything to you so you could just push it away.
I’ve been heartbroken before. It’s not a premiere or something. You were just so different and so good for my heart and life.. I guess I wasn’t like that to you, even though you always told me I was incredible and yours and etc
Maybe I was not good enough for you, like I was not good enough for everyone that I loved.